Cosmic Hockey Association

Saints Fall to Boston 1-0

Mon, 11 May 2026 19:27:54 -0400

BOSTON (AP) — Ronnie Lott scored on a second-period deflection, William Gibson stopped 24 shots and the Boston Tea Party beat the Miami Saints 1-0 on Monday at Boston Garden.

Lott’s unassisted goal at 14:41 of the second period was the only scoring in a tight defensive game. The shot came on a rush and changed direction during a crease scramble, beating Terry Sawchuk for the go-ahead goal and eventual winner.

Chicago shuts out Los Angeles 5-0

Sun, 10 May 2026 18:08:56 -0400

CHICAGO (AP) — Michael Jordan scored twice, Hunter S. Thompson stopped 23 shots and the Chicago Style beat the Los Angeles Suns 5-0 on Sunday at Wrigley Field.

Jordan gave Chicago the only goal it needed at 3:53 of the first period, finishing a one-timer after Jeff Bezos and Angela Ruggiero helped create traffic around the crease. The goal stood as the game-winner and sent Chicago toward a comfortable victory in front of 18,226 fans.

Bill's goal gives Brewers edge over NY

Sat, 09 May 2026 17:16:02 -0400

PORTLAND, Ore. — Bill Gates scored on a rebound at 5:53 of the third period, and the Portland Brewers edged the New York Times 2-1 Saturday at the Rose Garden.

Gates’ unassisted goal, a point-blank chance lifted into the high corner after a blocked-shot rebound, broke a 1-all tie and stood as the winner for Portland, which outshot New York 32-30 in a tight, low-scoring game.

Ken Kesey made 29 saves for the Brewers and was named the game’s first star. Tom Robbins stopped 30 shots for New York, keeping the Times close despite Portland’s late push.

J Dilla's Winner Lifts Pisces Past Style

Thu, 07 May 2026 22:12:33 -0400

PHILADELPHIA — J Dilla snapped a third-period deadlock with a wrist shot from the low slot with less than five minutes remaining, lifting the Philadelphia Pisces to a 2-1 victory over the Chicago Style on Friday night at the Wells Fargo Center.

The winning goal, recorded at the 15:29 mark of the final frame, was the result of a relentless Philadelphia forecheck. After forcing a turnover deep in the Chicago zone, Jerry Rice and Simone De Beauvoir connected to find Dilla in space. His quick release beat Chicago goaltender Hunter S. Thompson, providing the margin of victory in an intensely physical contest.

Late Boston Goal Sinks Seattle

Wed, 06 May 2026 21:06:11 -0400

SEATTLE — Ray Bourque scored with 1:43 remaining in the third period, lifting the Boston Tea Party to a 4-3 victory over the Seattle Musicians on Monday at the Kingdome.

Bourque’s winner came from a crease scramble after Seattle had tied the game for the third time. The goal, an unassisted wrist shot at 18:17 of the third, gave Boston its fourth lead of the night and finally held up after a game in which the Musicians repeatedly answered.

Swamp Edge Parallax 1-0

Tue, 05 May 2026 11:43:57 -0400

WASHINGTON — Cassie Campbell scored an unassisted short-handed goal in the second period, and Linus Torvalds turned aside 27 shots as the Washington Swamp edged the Pittsburgh Parallax 1-0 on Tuesday at RFK Stadium.

The “Capital Clash” rivalry lived up to its billing in a defensive stalemate that saw only one breakthrough before a crowd of 16,132.

The game’s lone goal came at 8:41 of the second period. With Washington’s Aaron Swartz in the penalty box for unsportsmanlike conduct, Campbell took control of the puck on a short-handed rush. She fired a slapshot from the point that beat Pittsburgh goaltender Richard Branson to the back of the net. It was the only scoring Branson would allow, as he finished with 25 saves on 26 shots.

Expose Beat Dharma

Sun, 03 May 2026 07:18:24 -0400

MONTREAL (AP) — Jean-Paul Sartre made 22 saves, Tom Petty had a goal and an assist, and the Montreal Expose beat the Dallas Dharma 3-1 on Saturday night at Olympic Stadium.

Brooks Robinson, Amy Winehouse and Petty scored for Montreal, which built a two-goal lead in the first period and never trailed. The Expose outshot Dallas 29-23 and finished with 19 interceptions and seven blocked shots in a disciplined defensive effort before 15,932 fans.

New York Times Outlast LA Suns

Sun, 03 May 2026 07:07:37 -0400

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Sundar Pichai stopped 23 shots and Jaromir Jagr had a goal and an assist as the Los Angeles Suns beat the New York Times 3-1 on Saturday night at Dodger Stadium.

Brian Jones scored the game-winner early in the second period and Elon Musk added insurance late in the frame for Los Angeles, which built a three-goal lead and held off New York’s final push before 16,952 fans.

Palahniuk Winner Past Swamp

Sun, 03 May 2026 04:14:12 -0400

SEATTLE – Chuck Palahniuk scored the tiebreaking goal midway through the third period to lift the Washington Swamp to a 2-1 comeback victory over the Seattle Musicians on Saturday night at the Kingdome.

Palahniuk’s unassisted snap shot found the high corner at 13:17 of the final frame, capping a two-goal third-period rally for Washington. The game-winner came just minutes after defenseman Nicklas Lidstrom had tied the game, beating Seattle goaltender Patrick Roy with a backhand on a rebound at the 2:29 mark.

Richard Nets Hat Trick Against Suns

Sun, 03 May 2026 04:02:36 -0400

LOS ANGELES – Maurice Richard scored three times in the third period and spent ten minutes in the penalty box for fighting as the Los Angeles Suns dominated the New York Times 5-1 on Saturday at Dodger Stadium.

Richard’s natural hat trick headlined a four-goal third-period explosion that broke open a tie game. The Suns’ flurry was sparked by Steph Curry, who scored the eventual game-winner just 29 seconds into the final frame. Curry finished the night with three points, later assisting on two of Richard’s tallies.

Seattle Edges Washington 1-0

Sat, 02 May 2026 05:06:28 -0400

SEATTLE — Big L scored early and Patrick Roy made it stand up, stopping all 31 shots as the Seattle Musicians edged the Washington Swamp 1-0 Saturday at the Kingdome.

Big L broke through 3:53 into the first period, beating Linus Torvalds from in close with a point-blank rush chance tucked into the high corner. The unassisted goal held up as the game-winner in a tight, penalty-free matchup before 16,034 fans.

Boston Tea Party Over Montreal

Fri, 01 May 2026 17:12:46 -0400

BOSTON GARDEN, May 1, 2026 (AP) — The Boston Tea Party secured a decisive 4-0 victory over the Montreal Expos on Monday in the Old Border Feud matchup, showcasing an aggressive third-period surge that ultimately overwhelmed the visiting team.

The game remained tightly contested through the first two periods, with neither squad able to breach the opposing net. Momentum finally shifted for Boston during the second frame when Cammi Granato fired home a crucial unassisted goal at the 5:30 mark. The goal provided the go-ahead marker and set the stage for Boston’s eventual dismantling of the Expos’ defense.

Wickenheiser lifts Portland past Chicago, 2-1

Thu, 30 Apr 2026 18:06:55 -0400

PORTLAND, Ore. — Hayley Wickenheiser’s third-period goal broke a tie and lifted the Portland Brewers to a 2-1 win over the Chicago Style on Friday night at the Rose Garden.

Wickenheiser scored at 6:41 of the third period, finishing a point-blank chance from the high slot after Portland worked the puck through a cycle. Mac Miller and Jim Morrison assisted on the winner, which came after Chicago had pushed back from a one-goal deficit in the second period.

Gibson blocks Dharma

Wed, 29 Apr 2026 18:31:29 -0400

DALLAS — William Gibson stopped 25 shots and the Boston Tea Party held off a third-period push to beat the Dallas Dharma 2-1 on Friday night at American Airlines Center.

Boston did all of its scoring in the first period, then leaned on Gibson and a clean defensive game to protect the lead. The Tea Party struck first at 5:32 when Tom Brady scored unassisted, giving Boston a quick 1-0 edge.

Pisces Sneak Past Montreal

Tue, 28 Apr 2026 21:55:11 -0400

PHILADELPHIA, May 1, 2026 — Johan Mauchly scored with 1:48 left in the third period, lifting the Philadelphia Pisces past the Montreal Expose 4-3 Friday night at Wells Fargo Center.

The late winner capped a taut, penalty-free game in front of 16,587 fans, with Philadelphia outshooting Montreal 27-25. Willie Mays made 22 saves for the Pisces to earn the win, while Jean-Paul Sartre stopped 23 shots for Montreal.

Philadelphia struck first just 28 seconds into the game when Chelsea Manning finished a setup from Brianna Decker. Montreal answered quickly, with Tom Petty scoring unassisted at 2:55 to tie it.

Cosmic Hockey Association Ascending

Mon, 08 Dec 2025 13:44:48 -0500

A Letter from the Commissioner: Cosmic Hockey Association Ascending

Dear Friends of the Game,

As I sit here in the high office, looking out not over a city skyline but over the vast, shimmering expanse of the multiverse that our league now occupies, I am struck by a profound sense of awe. When we first conceived of the Cosmic League, the skeptics were legion. They said you couldn’t put poets on skates. They said philosophers couldn’t backcheck. They told us that the egos of tech moguls and the raw energy of grunge musicians would combust if confined within the same rink.

Phife Dawg Hat Trick Powers Dharma Past Sun 6-2

Sun, 07 Dec 2025 07:00:00 -0500

Game report: Dallas Dharma defeat Los Angeles Sun 6-2.

Swamp Survive Late Rally to Edge Times 4-3

Fri, 05 Dec 2025 22:00:00 -0500

Game report: Washington Swamp defeat New York Times 4-3.

Grunge Grinds Out Victory: Seattle Musicians Survive Furious Chicago Rally

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 16:00:00 -0500

CHICAGO - The ice at the arena was still steaming when the final horn blasted, signaling the end of a contest that felt less like a hockey game and more like a clash of cultural titans. In a game defined by a blistering start and a heart-stopping finish, the Seattle Musicians edged out Chicago Style 3–2, riding the hot hand of Kurt Cobain and the brick-wall goaltending of Patrick Roy.

Tea Party Storm Back to Defeat Saints 5-2

Sat, 22 Nov 2025 20:00:00 -0500

Game report: Boston Tea Party defeat Miami Saints 5-2.

Pisces Overwhelm Brewers 6-2; Crosby, Clemente Post 3 Points

Mon, 10 Nov 2025 22:00:00 -0500

Joe Montana and Jayna Hefford score two goals each, while Sidney Crosby and Roberto Clemente add three points apiece in a 6-2 rout.

Sun Overpower Tea Party 4-1 Behind Balanced Attack

Sun, 09 Nov 2025 06:11:00 -0500

Fyodor Dostoevsky and Brian Jones each notch a goal and an assist as the Los Angeles Sun secure a decisive 4-1 victory over the Boston Tea Party.

Spector's Hat Trick Lifts Dharma Over Dieties 4-3

Sat, 08 Nov 2025 06:15:00 -0500

Ronnie Spector scores three goals, and goalie Manon Rhéaume makes 30 saves to lead the Dallas Dharma to a tight 4-3 victory over the Philadelphia Dieties.

Washington Gridlock: Swamp and Times Battle to 3-3 Tie

Fri, 07 Nov 2025 09:30:00 -0500

The Washington Swamp and New York Times finished in a 3-3 tie, with Sylvia Plath scoring the game-tying goal for Washington.

Heaney's Hat Trick Powers Saints Past Expose 5-3

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 22:30:00 -0500

Geraldine Heaney scores a hat trick and adds an assist, leading the Miami Saints to a 5-3 win over the Montreal Expose.

Swamp Defeat Pisces 3-1

Wed, 05 Nov 2025 19:06:09 -0500

WASHINGTON– The Washington Swamp secured a solid 3-1 victory over the Pittsburgh Pisces on Wednesday, led by a two-point performance from Sylvia Plath.

The Swamp jumped out to an early lead when Plath found the back of the net, thanks to an assist from Chuck Palahniuk. Alexander Ovechkin extended the lead to 2-0, capitalizing on a setup from Keith Hernandez and Chuck Hull.

Pittsburgh showed signs of life, cutting the deficit in half when Steve Ballmer scored, with assists credited to Joe Montana and William S. Burroughs. The goal energized the Pisces, but the Swamp’s defense held firm.

Dharma Dominate Musicians in 5-1 Rout

Tue, 04 Nov 2025 04:00:00 -0500

Game report: Dallas Dharma defeat Seattle Musicians 5-1.

Brewers Double Up Expose, 4-2

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 18:37:00 -0500

Game report: Portland Brewers defeat Montreal Expose 4-2.

Orr's Hat Trick Powers Tea Party Past Times 5-2

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 02:45:56 -0500

BOSTON – Bobby Orr was an unstoppable force Saturday night, recording a hat trick and an assist to lead the Boston Tea Party to a 5-2 victory over the New York Times.

Orr’s four-point performance dominated the game. He opened the scoring with an unassisted goal, struck again with help from Lawrence Lessig and Ray Bourque, and completed the hat trick on a setup from Lessig. Orr wasn’t just scoring, he also assisted on Robert Johnson’s goal. Tom Brady rounded out the scoring for the victorious Tea Party.

Saints' Balanced Attack Overwhelms Chicago Style in 4-2 Win

Sat, 01 Nov 2025 06:22:00 -0400

A recap of the 4-2 victory for the Miami Saints, featuring four different goal scorers and a strong performance by Terry Sawchuk.

Dieties Dominate Pisces in 6-0 Shutout

Fri, 31 Oct 2025 12:00:00 -0400

Tim Cook and Simone De Beauvour lead a relentless offensive attack as Philadelphia blanks Pittsburgh.

Sun, Musicians Battle to 2-2 Draw

Sun, 26 Oct 2025 08:45:00 -0400

Patrick Roy's 24 saves secure a point for Seattle in a hard-fought tie against Los Angeles.